2012 Emotional Rollercoaster

Have you ever felt lost for the longest time you could no longer remember why? Here’s my story….


To start it off, in its third week came a huge uncertainty that felt like it hit you HARD on your face! And for the whole seven consecutive months, you’ve been in denial about the loss that has yet to come – that it can’t be possible, that it can still be fixed, that everything can still be saved even though the only thing that you had been holding onto are the memories of the past that, little did you know, are already six feet buried under the ground.


And to be honest, it sucked. Toxically draining, leaving you empty and numb. Then you began questioning yourself and the skies,


“What is this whole sh*t all about?”


So there you go wandering around the wilderness, searching for an answer that technically your intuition already knows yet your heart is trying to block. Until the moment came that another unexpected thing suddenly came knocking on your door. And the hard part is that, it made the complicated situation even more perplexing than it already is! The only thing that you should do is to make a choice, which sometimes is the hardest part in your current predicament, and to end your misery, you gotta face it!


When you let confusion take control over you, it eats you up and you’ll wake up one day realizing that you’ve become the kind of person who you never thought you’ll be – that you’ve done the things you never thought you’ll do and you’ve eaten all the proper things you used to say.


If there is one thing I’ve learned the best, it is this: INDECISIVENESS KILLS – the conflict won’t fix itself and the problem will not just go away, the people around you can only give so much advice for you but they can’t make the decision for you – only you can. 


Thankfully, after being a slave of my ego and pained pride, I had the courage to finish what should’ve ended a long time ago and to face the new journey awaiting for me that I had been ignoring for a very long time. Only after overcoming the pain and depression had I truly been able to smile and accept the odd reality, and you know what, it didn’t make me bitter- only better.


Now I just wanna say that I’m truly grateful for the people who had been there during my very low times (who listened to my long crazy stories), for the friends who never judged me even when I had done one of the most shocking things even I couldn’t contemplate upon. Also, to this person who is still one of my honest good friends even after the complicated relationship we’ve been through, thank you for being a part of my life and for teaching me a lot, I’m wishing you the best.


To someone who unconditionally love me, decided to stick by me, drive around places with me, and never gave up on me after all of the bumps in the road, I love you.


And to you God up there who’s probably laughing at my ignorance, thank you for making my life crazy – it gives me a story worth telling (and worth laughing at) to! 😉


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